I just had top surgery a couple days ago. I wondered if I would mourn my smooth unbroken flesh, but I don't. My new chest is strange to me, but it is intriguing. I learned to live with my old chest, but I had to work up to that from terror, disgust, horror, to resolve. As an adolescent I wished and prayed that I wold wake up and some kind of magic would happen while I slept and the mistake of my body would be corrected. That doesn't happen.
At 53 years old I re-shaped myself. I looked at myself and I see a stranger, but an interesting stranger with potential. I have no regrets about it at all. Anything was better than what I had, even uneven raised scars and a missing nipple would be better. Anything.
When I started this process, seeing doctors and therapists, jumping through hoops for insurance, I didn't want to get my hopes up and have it taken away from me. It didn't happen for me truly, until it was done. It's not like I didn't make preparations though, I did. I was very over weight and my surgeon talked of all kinds of complications like they were a given. I lost 20 lbs and that talk stopped. I did upper body weight training in the hopes that the surgeon would have an easier time following the contours of my muscles while making the incisions. My results look good, but I'm not sure that is the reason. I wanted to do all the right things to prepare, but there is no way to know for sure what your personal experience will be. I found out that I should have done sit ups because I must use those muscles to get out of bed. I was very cavalier about it the first day, now I am agonized every time I must do it AGAIN. I am not taking pain meds because I am taking 4 classes and I was concerned about slowing down my digestion. It still sloooowed. I'm not sure when that will be resolved. Maybe I need to drink more water.
The big things I'd share if anyone cared to ask about are:
You can't do this on your own. It requires friends or family to help you. I have 24/7 care that my poor harried spouse is providing. The things she is helping me with are bathing, emptying fluids draining from the incisions, feeding me, helping me dress and walk. She is also taking care of everything else in our house. She is doing a lot. This surgery makes you helpless.
Using the toilet is difficult. I installed a bidet (it sprays water on your butt) right before having surgery. Wiping is mostly just drying off. The bidet has made that issue a lot easier. It cost under $40.
Top surgery is a huge decision. It is a permanent decision. After the surgery, you are still the same person with the same problems. It may help a little on the outside, but not so much on the inside.
Afterwards, you need time to adjust. You need time to heal.
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